Here’s something most people don’t want to admit:
Some of the habits you’ve been trying to get rid of for years? You’re keeping them. On purpose.
Not consciously, maybe. But on some level, they’re still serving you.
This isn’t judgment. This is Adlerian psychology 101 the idea that human behaviour is always serving-oriented. Even the “bad” stuff. If you keep doing it, it’s because it’s still giving you something.
Why We Hold Onto What Hurts Us
Adlerian psychology says we don’t just act randomly, everything we do is aiming at a result, even if it’s a short-term one. Sometimes that “result” is comfort. Sometimes it’s safety. And sometimes… it’s an excuse.
Think about it:
- Skipping workouts might “save time”, but maybe it also saves you from facing the discomfort of feeling unfit.
- Snapping at people might be “because you’re stressed”, but maybe it also keeps people from getting too close.
- Dragging around an old trauma story might be “because it’s part of your past”, but maybe it also explains why you’re not taking certain risks.
It’s not that you’re lazy or broken, it’s that part of you is still getting something out of it. And until you’re honest about what that is, the habit will stay.
The Hidden Payoff
Adler called this the “life lie”, when we unconsciously keep behaviours because they protect us from the fear of change.
Here’s the blunt truth:
If your bad habit wasn’t giving you something, you wouldn’t still be doing it.
The problem is, that “something” is usually short-term comfort in exchange for long-term pain.
It’s like eating junk food every day to avoid cooking, you win in the moment, but you pay for it later.
The Turning Point: Honesty Over Excuses
The first real step in breaking these cycles is radical honesty.
Instead of saying, “I don’t know why I keep doing this,” say:
“I keep doing this because on some level, it works for me.”
Then you ask:
- What’s the payoff?
- What would I lose if I stopped?
- Am I ready to feel the discomfort of change?
You can’t break a habit that’s still serving you. You have to replace it with something that serves you better.
Practical Actions to Break the Cycle
Here’s a no-nonsense way to start.
1. Spot the Habit
Write down the thing you keep doing that you say you want to stop. Be specific.
2. Find the Payoff
Ask yourself:
“What does this give me? What does it protect me from?”
No sugar-coating. If the answer stings, you’re on the right track.
3. Choose the Upgrade
Decide on a new behaviour that gives you a similar benefit but moves you forward.
Example:
- Old habit: Procrastinating on workouts.
- Payoff: Avoiding discomfort.
- Upgrade: Commit to just 5 minutes of movement. You still “win” (low discomfort), but you get a forward step too.
4. Cut the Excuse
Excuses are comfort blankets. When you hear yourself making one, call it out:
“That’s a story I tell myself to avoid change.”
5. Replace the Role
If your habit or old trauma has been part of your identity, you need a new role to step into.
Not “the person who’s always tired”, but “the person who’s building strength.”
Not “the one who avoids conflict”, but “the one who speaks calmly and clearly.”
You’re Not Your Habit (Or Your History)
Adler’s big message?
You are responsible for your future, not chained to your past. Even your so-called “traumas”, yes, they happened. But you decide what role they play from here.
And if a habit is still serving you in some backwards way, that’s fine, it just means the work isn’t to shame yourself for keeping it. The work is to find something better to serve instead.
Final Thought
You can’t drag your excuses into the life you actually want. They don’t fit through the door.
Be honest about what your habits are giving you. Then be brave enough to find that need somewhere else. That’s where real change starts.
If you want help with this kind of work, where we mix philosophy, movement, and practical mindset shifts feel free to get in touch!
Because once you see the habit for what it is… you can choose something better.