Confidence isn’t about walking into a room and thinking you’re better than everyone else. It’s about walking in and not needing to compare yourself at all.
But here’s the catch: confidence isn’t something you “find.” It’s something you build. And like anything worth building, it needs structure. That’s where accountability comes in.
The Stoics knew this thousands of years ago. They didn’t call it “confidence hacks” or “accountability buddies”, but they lived it, practiced it, and wrote about it daily. And if it worked for emperors, slaves, and philosophers facing war and chaos… it’ll work for us today.
What the Stoics Teach About Confidence
“The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others.”
— Has been echoed across time, but rooted in Stoic thought
Confidence in Stoicism isn’t about bravado, it’s about trusting your own character. Marcus Aurelius didn’t strut around as emperor because he thought he was flawless. He kept coming back to this truth:
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Confidence is nothing more than the steady reminder that you control your thoughts, your actions, and your response. That’s it.
When you lean on that truth, you stop waiting for other people’s approval. And that’s when you walk taller.
Accountability: The Missing Piece
Here’s the thing, knowing what to do and doing it are two different worlds.
Seneca said:
“Associate with people who are likely to improve you.”
That’s accountability. Put yourself in the company of people who will keep you honest. Not with punishment, but with presence. If the people around you are chasing growth, discipline, and truth, you’ll rise with them. If they’re dragging their feet, so will you.
Accountability doesn’t take away your freedom. It strengthens it. It makes sure your actions line up with your intentions.
Actions to Build Real Confidence (the Stoic Way)
1. Keep Daily Promises to Yourself
Nothing destroys confidence quicker than saying, “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then not doing it. Start small. Choose one thing a day you promise yourself, and do it, no matter what. Even if it’s just one push-up or one page of reading.
Confidence = trust. Trust yourself first.
2. Reframe Fear as Training
Marcus Aurelius reminded himself daily:
“If it is endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining.”
Fear isn’t a stop sign. It’s training. Nervous about speaking up? That’s the exact moment you need to. Afraid of failing? That’s the weight you lift to grow. Confidence is forged in discomfort not comfort.
3. Journal with Brutal Honesty
Write down your choices and reflect: Did I act in line with who I want to be today?
Don’t sugar-coat it. This is your private space for character. The Stoics wrote daily, not to look smart, but to hold themselves accountable.
4. Accountability Partner or Group
Share your targets with someone who won’t let you off the hook. Better yet, build a group (training, mindset, or work) where progress is tracked.
Options:
- Join a community.
- Have a weekly check-in call with a friend.
- Hire a coach or mentor.
If you can’t yet trust yourself fully, borrow someone else’s eyes until you can.
5. Act as if You Already Are
Epictetus said:
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
Want more confidence? Start acting like the person you want to be, today. Not fake bravado, but carry yourself as if you already respect yourself. Walk upright. Speak clearly. Set boundaries. Confidence follows action.
A Different Perspective: Confidence as Service
Here’s something most people don’t consider: confidence isn’t just for you.
When you show up fully, with calm strength and self-trust, you give permission for others to do the same. Your kids, your friends, your colleagues, they see it. They feel it.
Confidence isn’t selfish. It’s contagious. And accountability? That’s just making sure the flame stays lit.
Final Thought
The Stoics didn’t sit around waiting to “feel confident.” They lived in alignment with their values, held themselves accountable, and confidence was the by-product.
So here’s your challenge:
- Make one promise to yourself today, and keep it.
- Choose one way to hold yourself accountable (journal, partner, or group).
- And the next time fear shows up, remind yourself: this is training.
Confidence isn’t a mystery. It’s built, one honest action at a time.
Keep those eyes up,
Jason